R.I.P Mr. Mom

Society is an ever changing landscape, to the joy of some and the chagrin of others. Nowhere is this more evident than parenthood in general and fatherhood in particular. I credit my generation with beginning this trend but Millennials, for all the flack they take, are moving the bar even further. I’m speaking of the time men spend with their children.

Millennials are, on average, spending three times (3X) the amount of time previous generations did with their children. Bravo, fellow men.

Media tropes aside, and I am sick of them, we do a pretty damned good job. The typical movie/tv dad is a hapless, clueless comedic character that bumbles his way through diaper changes and child rearing wearing clothes pins on his nose and elbow deep in cleaning gloves whilst trying unsuccessfully to work a vacuum cleaner. While I get the need for comedy, and some of it is funny, the popular viewpoint of men in their children’s lives is somewhat shaped by this constant bombardment of men as the butt of the new child joke.

Not that there isn’t comedy involved, I share a lot of it. It’s fun and funny to raise kids. They’re little jokesters, non stop tricksters and if you’ll take it in the right mind, a constant source of entertainment. They love to entertain as much as be entertained and I’ve never met a young child that didn’t like being at the center of their own show. Nothing is as rewarding to a child as making another person laugh (aha, another blog topic).

Gone are the days of reluctant attendance at child rearing classes. Gone are the days of men blushing and hiding their faces driving the kids to school in the family van. Gone are the days of men having to have special baby gear covered with camoflauge or sports logos to be accepted. Good riddance. Men are now standing side by side with their mates and rising to the challenge of caretaking, feeding and raising their children. We’ve gone from assistants to partners. And in many cases, leaders.

And you know what? We’re pretty good at it, ladies.

We can change and bathe and feed with the best of them. And we’re finding we like this role. It’s far more rewarding than the generations before us, and what started with GenX is now being perfected by Millennials, for the betterment of family and child. We don’t need clothes pins to change diapers, we don’t stumble over using cleaning implements and we’re not hopeless when it comes to cooking a meal.

Our styles differ of course. Even within our family the methods of changing, feeding and our time alone with the baby differs markedly. She does what works for her, I do what works for me. Some might say that causes confusion with the baby, but she just recognizes it for what it is, mommy or daddy doing their thing. There are, in many cases, no right and wrong ways to go about these things, and us men are just as good at ‘feeling’ our way around a child as mom. We learn, we modify, we shift and we become better parents along the way.

Of course a lot of this is because the roles of moms has shifted too. More women are in the workplace with each succeeding generation, more homes require a two income (or more) family to make ends meet and society keeps evolving the roles of mom/dad. I want to be clear too, I am in no way slighting mothers. To confirm the reasoning that men don’t belong in this place, to sideline their achievements, is to confirm that raising children is a ‘woman’s role’. BS. I’m applauding my fellow fathers. Because, though our roles have shifted markedly, we’ve yet to reach a point in our society where dad’s are recognized for what they’ve become.

That the role of men has migrated from Papa Bear Protector and Provider to a nurturer and caretaker isn’t the assault on masculinity that many blab about either. Driving that minivan doesn’t make you less a man, knowing your child’s feeding schedule doesn’t make you a nerd and skipping bowling night to spend time with the kids where the wife can spend time out doesn’t make you henpecked. It makes you a better husband, a better partner and a better dad.

Men are stepping out of the shadowed and sheltered world of provider and into the light of child rearing and caretaking. Society is better for it, and the children definitely are. Time’s they are a changin. And men are leading the way, fathers are. But instead of carrying signs and placards, torches and chants, they’re wearing baby carriers and pushing strollers and singing nursery rhymes. We’ve stopped standing behind the wife and moved beside her. In a growing number of cases, we’ve even stepped into the role of primary caretaker.

So, while Mr Mom was a fantastic movie and Michael Keaton is a genius, times have moved on. And it’s time these tropes stopped and time men were recognized for what they contribute absent the mockery and snide comments and laughs.

We’re breadwinners and athletes, businessmen and entreprenuers, we’re hunters and mechanics, we’re collectors and sportsman. We’re traders and builders and a thousand other things on any given day.

But we ain’t no damned Mr. Mom. We’re Dad. And damned good at it too.