My Emotional Vending Machine

Bottling up our emotions is something that is discussed at length, at least in a figurative sense and it’s a oft broached topic in posts, articles and videos with evidence of how unhealthy it is. An unwise practice, to be sure, but not one I’m discussing. My way of bottling them up would be a lot more……….literal.

I could take all the emotions I have, or had, bottle them up and not only sample them when I wanted, but sell them. Man, I’d make a fortune. Who needs drugs and mood enhancers when we can just stop at the nearest store and get a cold six pack of emotion?

Take joy for example. Take that moment you first held your newborn child, that feeling you had. An overwhelming mix of potential, awe, thankfulness and just sheer happiness cradled in your arms. I wish I could bottle that, put it in sixteen ounce bottles and partake when I needed. Now, even months later the feeling is there, but not as sharp, not as vivid as it was when it happen. Certainly I can still feel it, but the fizz is already dissipating. To bottle that feeling and be able to revisit it day in and day out, what a buzz.

Before that was anticipation. To get that one you need equal amounts anxiety, excitement, and a dash of fear. A heady drink, anticipation, and one that can be equally enjoyable and unbearable depending on how much you partake of it and how you digest it Still worthy of capturing though so it would be on the menu.

Contentment, yes. Think of those quiet moments when your child is asleep in your arms, the world is still and quiet and despite yourself you cannot bring yourself to feel anything but pleased to be in the moment. The low thrum of music on the stereo. Quiet sighs and the whisper of warm breath on your skin. Contentment would be a best seller. It is an emotion we all long for.

Fear, a potent mixer or taken as a shot, is potent in all it’s forms, but a necessary ingredient of life and of parenthood. A healthy draught now and then reminds us of our need for caution, but be wary, because fear will revisit you long after you’ve sampled it. Fear will take the place of so many of the other selections if you allow it. Drink of it wisely, and know that in selecting it, you’ll likely miss the taste of some of the best vintages.

Awe for example. I used to save this for special occasions but now, I find it is one of my favorites. Viewing the world through a child’s fresh, unbiased eyes makes this drink enjoyable daily. Though you can find this in art, travel, music, sport, and a thousand other places, even the simplest of things can inspire you to take a sip of awe if you’ll allow. Children know better the proprietary ingredients, those being the novelty of, well, everything and the sheer joy of just being. Drink up.

Excitement. First steps. First at bats. First words. So many occasions in which we could serve excitement. The heavy beating of our hearts as we watch our children breaking their own paths in the world, milestone by milestone. Those moments in life that cause our breath to catch in our throat and our words to run together. Excitement delivers every time.

Anger is a necessary selection as well, but be careful with this one as well, for anger requires quite a deposit, and there are simply no returns. Once that cap is popped, the price to be paid can only be realized in retrospect and at times can cost you far more than you realize. Anger has broken many of us in the past.

Pride, what can one say about pride? Best in moderation when enjoyed alone, but when exchanged with others, quite a delicious concoction. Best brought out for graduations, celebrations, and the other bigger moments of life. If you’re pushing the button and selecting pride, make sure most of the time it’s passed to someone else. Moderation, you see.

Sadness will come out on it’s own sometimes, and you don’t always have a say so in that selection. It is free and sometimes it is difficult to get anything else. Life will decide many times that this is the choice of the day and some days, unfortunately, it is a chaser for grief. A few times in my life I’ve had to choke down a bottle or two. It is bitter to be sure, but if taken correctly, will turn to something much sweeter one day if you’ll allow it. I suggest taking a bottle of acceptance after a while and you’ll turn this into another surprise flavor, perhaps peace or inspiration. If allowed to sit and not digested properly, sadness can be turned to contempt, anger or a dozen other vile concoctions so be mindful when you’ve been given a bottle.

Empathy for when it’s required. Empathy will make you a better parent and a better person, and though it might not be the first selection you reach for, I urge you to reconsider. It is an acquired taste but one that will dramatically expand your horizons. Be sure to add this to your diet.

Regret and shame, flavors we’ve all sampled before and will again one day. There is no equal to the taste of regret and a few sips will haunt you for eternity. We carry a bottle of this with us at all times too. In those times we’re dumb, complacent or thoughtless enough to not think ahead, we can accidentally take a big gulp. These aren’t going to be best sellers. If I could, I’d take these two and bottle them anyways and I’d toss those bottles into the ocean. Let time and tide wash them to the ends of the earth. Definitely not my favorite.

Love, of course, can’t leave that one out of the machine. Love comes in many flavors, however, and each one has it’s own distinct characteristics. The love for our family, the love for our wives and husbands, the love for our children each tastes slightly different and, like sadness, isn’t a selection you make. But unlike sadness which comes and goes, love is always there, and there’s always a bottle in hand. Love is a gateway to so many of the other selections, and it can knock you down, pick you up, inspire you and it can take you a million different places,. Buy a case of love and spread it widely and freely. You and everyone else will be better for it.

Which leads to adoration, and that one is a tough one to explain. Suffice to say we’ve all tasted it from time to time. Another very potent elixir this one. A dash of joy, a lot of love, some awe and just a tad bit of fear in the mix, because drinking in adoration means you’ve found something that you can’t imagine being without. Adoration is the aged, top shelf version of love and demands a higher price but cannot be equalled in any other flavor. It can be mimicked, temporarily, by some other selections but never truly replaced.

There’s amusement, and awkwardness, calmness and confusion, and mixes thereof, each to be sampled as we make our way through this thing called life. There’s disgust and passion and grief and insecurity and a hundred other variations that I could sell you. If I could bottle them.

But, on second thought, there’s no market. And therein is the lesson in this one. The more I contemplated it the more I realized like that vending machine, these feelings are choices, choices we make each day, each hour, each minute. We can even turn the ones we don’t consciously choose to something much sweeter and more enjoyable, even grief and sadness. I’ve partaken of each as I wrote this.

Make your selections wisely. And if you don’t choose so wisely, make another selection. You see, the selections are all free and we, as humans, can never have our thirst for emotion satisfied.

Eh, so the selling idea turned out crap. Instead, have a bottle on me.

Cheers.